Coparenting could be a new word for you, especially if you just entered the divorce world.  It is a critical word if you have children of divorce.  Divorced parents that have a successful coparenting relationship often find that their divorce has a smaller impact on their children than those divorces with high conflict.  But if you are getting a divorce you will want to know what coparenting is and what it is not.

Coparenting through the holidays can be difficult.  Emotions are high as well as expectations. We all have the picture in our head of the perfect family holiday and usually our family is just not measuring up to our picture.  High expectations often lead to resentment. Many children of divorce have come to hate the holidays or their birthday, because it is just a day their parents use to fight over them.

The holidays can be a uniquely challenging time for families who are adjusting to life after divorce. Now that you and your co-parent are working from separate households, holidays often mean balancing your own expectations, your extended family’s traditions, and your children’s needs.

If you’re going through a divorce or are already divorced, then you know how challenging co-parenting during the holidays can be.

I can ask any one of my younger clients about the day they found out about their parent's divorce and they can recall the most bizarre details.  Often they remember what they are wearing, what they were doing right before they were told, where they sat when they were told, and the exact date and time.   Let’s just say THIS moment will be a monumental day in their lives. One they will never forget.  Why? Because it is traumatic for kids and marks the end of their family as they knew it. It is important to be mindful of that.  Therefore, do not plan to tell them around holidays, birthdays, or special times to forever tarnish those days.  Try and pick a pretty obscure day

Coparenting through your first transfers of your children with your coparent can be one of the most painful times of life.  You didn't expect this or necessarily want it, but there goes your child in their car and now you sit alone.  Sometimes you can still hear your child crying or laughing.... And you just sit in your car or at your home and weep.  I want to remind you it will not always be like this.  You will find hope again.  Divorce is not the final answer to your family.  Hope can be found again! As a Coparenting Counselor, one of the most difficult and frustrating issues for coparents is often transitions (drop offs/pick ups) and schedule making and changes.

Are you standing at the crossroads of your journey, questioning whether weekly therapy sessions are worth the commitment and investment? We understand the uncertainty that lingers wondering if will therapy REALLY work?  As counselors, we believe in the service we provide! Why? Because we have seen people change and improve as they have the time and space to share their life’s journey uncensored with a professional.

Sara Hadgraft, the Executive Director from Sparrow Counseling, did a podcast with Seth Nelson on “How to split the Toaster”. She’s a licensed marriage and family therapist and a licensed professional counselor who guides families through the pain and disappointment of divorce. It’s a difficult process, but it’s important to learn how to talk to your kids so they don’t feel that it’s there fault that you’re getting divorced.