What is Co-Parenting? What Isn’t Co-Parenting? Help!
If you’re new to the world of divorce, the word “co-parenting” might feel unfamiliar or even overwhelming. But if you share children with your ex-spouse, it’s one of the most important concepts to understand. Why? Because successful co-parenting can significantly reduce the negative impact of divorce on your children.
Parents who embrace co-parenting find that it provides their children with stability, security, and a sense of family—even when the structure of that family has changed. So, let’s break down what co-parenting is—and what it isn’t—so you can navigate this new chapter with confidence and compassion.
What Co-Parenting Is
Continuous Conversations About Your Children’s Needs and Interests
Co-parenting means maintaining an open dialogue about your children, just as you would if you were still married. Your children need both parents actively involved in their lives—listening to their stories, attending their events, and showing interest in their struggles and successes. Open communication ensures your child feels valued and supported by both parents.
Joint Decision-Making
When decisions arise about your child’s well-being—whether it’s about education, health, or extracurricular activities—co-parents consult each other before deciding. This collaborative approach demonstrates mutual respect between parents, which benefits your child’s emotional well-being. It shows your children that their other parent’s opinions matter, and it teaches them about teamwork and compromise.
Sharing Time and Responsibility
Sharing custody can be one of the hardest parts of divorce, but allowing your child to spend time freely with the other parent is a gift. It provides your child with a sense of balance and lets them maintain relationships with both parents. Sharing responsibilities also gives you both a much-needed break, which can make you a more present and patient parent.
What Co-Parenting Might Be
Attending Events Together
When your child has a school play or sports game, co-parenting may mean attending the event with your ex. It’s unfair to make your child choose which parent to sit with, as this creates unnecessary anxiety. Sitting together or close enough to show unity allows your child to enjoy their moment without stress.
Spending Holidays or Special Occasions Together
While it may feel awkward initially, celebrating holidays or milestones together can be incredibly meaningful for your child. Whether it’s a birthday party, a holiday dinner, or a graduation, having both parents there can bring a sense of normalcy. You may feel uncomfortable, but remember—this isn’t about your feelings; it’s about your child’s.
What Co-Parenting Is Not
Putting Your Needs Above Your Child’s
Co-parenting is about prioritizing your child’s well-being, not using them to serve your emotional needs or to hurt your ex.
Staying Negatively Engaged with Your Ex
Holding onto anger or resentment keeps you stuck in the past and negatively impacts your child.
Reverting to Marital Roles
You are no longer husband and wife. Successful co-parenting means redefining your relationship as partners in parenting, not in life.
Using Co-Parenting to Reconcile
Co-parenting is not a tool to get back together. It’s a strategy to ensure your child has the love and support of both parents.
When Co-Parenting Isn’t Appropriate
Co-parenting only works when both parents are safe and appropriate for the child. In cases of domestic violence or significant emotional abuse, co-parenting may not be feasible and could even be harmful. Always prioritize safety when determining how to navigate post-divorce parenting.
The Benefits of Co-Parenting
Children have a right to maintain strong relationships with both parents after a divorce. Research shows that children who have regular access to both parents:
Adjust better emotionally and socially.
Report greater satisfaction with life post-divorce.
Develop healthier coping mechanisms for future challenges.
Co-parenting provides children with the stability they need as their family structure changes. It teaches them how to handle adversity and demonstrates that love and collaboration are possible even in difficult circumstances.
THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO SUCCESSFUL CO-PARENTING? EMOTIONS.
It’s natural to feel hurt, angry, or sad after a divorce. But when those emotions spill into your co-parenting relationship, it can hurt your child. Children need to feel like they’re still part of a family, even if that family looks different.
Co-Parenting Means Giving Your Child the Gift of Family
It allows your child to feel like they still have a family, even after a divorce.
It provides stability and reliability during a time of change.
It models resilience and the ability to navigate challenging relationships with grace.
Remember, just because your marriage has ended doesn’t mean your role as a parent has. Your child needs both of you—forever. When you co-parent with intention and respect, you give your child the gift of love, security, and hope for their future.
Interested in Talking to a Co-parenting Counselor in Birmingham, AL?
If you are frustrated in your co-parenting relationship and not sure how to move forward, co-parenting counseling with Sara Hadgraft can help! At Sparrow Counseling in Birmingham, AL we want to meet you and help you navigate this process. To get started follow these three simple steps:
Reach out to Sparrow Counseling for a free 15-minute consultation.
Be matched with a caring, experienced coparenting counselor.
Begin your coparenting journey with support.
Other Services Offered at Sparrow Counseling
At Sparrow Counseling we offer in-person and online therapy in the state of Alabama. In addition to coparenting counseling, our team specializes in reunification therapy, blended family counseling, divorce & family mediation, teen counseling, grief, and loss counseling, couples counseling, and more in Birmingham, Alabama. Learn more by checking out our FAQs and Blog!
Sara Hadgraft, the owner of Sparrow Counseling, is an M.Ed, LMFT, LPC, NCC, Certified Parenting Coordinator, Divorce and Family Mediator (Domestic Violence Trained) and has a private practice called Sparrow Counseling in Birmingham, AL. She specializes in Parenting Coordination, Co-Parenting Counseling, and Reunification Therapy. Her passion is helping parents learn how to become successful coparents, so their children can thrive after their divorce. Contact Sparrow Counseling if you are interested in getting help at hello@sparrowcounsel.com.
