Coparenting could be a new word for you, especially if you just entered the divorce world.  It is a critical word if you have children of divorce.  Divorced parents that have a successful coparenting relationship often find that their divorce has a smaller impact on their children than those divorces with high conflict.  But if you are getting a divorce you will want to know what coparenting is and what it is not.

Coparenting through the holidays can be difficult.  Emotions are high as well as expectations. We all have the picture in our head of the perfect family holiday and usually our family is just not measuring up to our picture.  High expectations often lead to resentment. Many children of divorce have come to hate the holidays or their birthday, because it is just a day their parents use to fight over them.

I can ask any one of my younger clients about the day they found out about their parent's divorce and they can recall the most bizarre details.  Often they remember what they are wearing, what they were doing right before they were told, where they sat when they were told, and the exact date and time.   Let’s just say THIS moment will be a monumental day in their lives. One they will never forget.  Why? Because it is traumatic for kids and marks the end of their family as they knew it. It is important to be mindful of that.  Therefore, do not plan to tell them around holidays, birthdays, or special times to forever tarnish those days.  Try and pick a pretty obscure day

Coparenting through your first transfers of your children with your coparent can be one of the most painful times of life.  You didn't expect this or necessarily want it, but there goes your child in their car and now you sit alone.  Sometimes you can still hear your child crying or laughing.... And you just sit in your car or at your home and weep.  I want to remind you it will not always be like this.  You will find hope again.  Divorce is not the final answer to your family.  Hope can be found again! As a Coparenting Counselor, one of the most difficult and frustrating issues for coparents is often transitions (drop offs/pick ups) and schedule making and changes.

Coparenting Counseling will not heal the pain and hurt YOU FEEL from your divorce. You will need to do your own recovery and therapy for that to happen (and I hope that you do!), but Coparenting Counseling can be helpful in building a new relationship with your coparent. For kids of divorce, they have enough pain to deal with just getting over their family ending. Adding constant fighting to that pain is just not fair. For their sake, I urge you to get help if you need it, so your kids learn that divorce is NOT the final word to their family, as they knew it.  There is hope for a new future and while their parents are no longer married they can get along, so everyone can move forward and have a better future.