Emotional and Physical Bids: Strengthening Your Relationship Through Awareness and Action

In our first blog on bids for connection, we explored what bids are and why they matter in relationships. Now, let’s go deeper into the emotional and physical aspects of bids and how you can become more aware of the ways you and your partner seek connection every day.

John and Julie Gottman’s research shows that successful relationships are built on the accumulation of small, everyday moments. These moments often come in the form of bids for connection, but they can be easy to overlook—especially when they’re subtle.

Let’s dive into the difference between emotional and physical bids, why they matter, and how you can start noticing and responding to them in ways that strengthen your bond.

Emotional Bids: Recognizing and Responding to Your Partner’s Need for Connection

An emotional bid is any attempt your partner makes to seek support, validation, or attention. These bids often come in the form of words, gestures, or tone of voice.

Common Examples of Emotional Bids:

• A sigh after a long day (a subtle bid for comfort or conversation)

• A joke or playful comment (a bid for engagement and lightheartedness)

• Sharing a story from work (a bid for interest and validation)

• Expressing frustration or sadness (a bid for emotional support)

How to Respond to Emotional Bids

1. Listen for Cues Beyond Words
Your partner may not say, "I need you to ask me how I’m feeling," but they may let out a deep sigh, hesitate before speaking, or change their tone—all signs that they’re hoping for connection.

Try this: If you notice your partner sighing, instead of ignoring it, gently ask, “That sounded like a big sigh—what’s on your mind?”

2. Acknowledge Feelings Before Offering Solutions
When your partner shares something that’s upsetting them, your instinct may be to fix the problem, but what they often need first is to feel heard.

Try this: Instead of jumping into problem-solving mode, say, “That sounds really frustrating. I can see why that would be hard.”

3. Be Present, Even in Small Moments
You don’t have to have long, deep conversations every time your partner makes a bid. A quick response that shows you’re engaged can make all the difference.

Try this: If your partner excitedly shares a thought, look up from your phone and respond with interest, even if just for a moment.

Physical Bids: The Power of Touch in Relationships

While emotional bids strengthen communication and understanding, physical bids foster closeness and intimacy. These bids can be affectionate, playful, or intimate, but they all serve the same purpose: to reinforce connection.

Common Examples of Physical Bids:

• Reaching for a hug

• A gentle touch on the arm or back

• Holding out a hand to be held

• Sitting closer on the couch

How to Respond to Physical Bids

1. Match Their Energy
If your partner reaches for a hug, lean into it rather than stiffening or pulling away. If they place a hand on your knee, acknowledge the touch with a squeeze of their hand.

Try this: Instead of hesitating or waiting for them to initiate again, respond warmly and intentionally to physical gestures.

2. Initiate Physical Connection More Often
If your relationship is feeling distant, you don’t have to wait for your partner to make a bid—you can make one yourself.

Try this: Next time you walk past your partner, place a hand on their back or give a quick hug before heading out the door.

3. Be Aware of When You Turn Away
If your partner makes a bid for physical connection and you’re not in the mood, acknowledge it instead of ignoring it.

Try this: Instead of saying, "Not right now," offer a different response: "I love that you want to hug. Can we cuddle later when I’m feeling more relaxed?"

Why Emotional and Physical Bids Matter in Long-Term Relationships

Many couples struggle with emotional disconnection or fading physical intimacy, but it’s often not about big, dramatic problems—it’s about the small moments that go unnoticed.

• Ignoring emotional bids over time can lead to feelings of loneliness, even in committed relationships.

• Dismissing physical bids too often can create distance, making partners feel unwanted or rejected.

The key is awareness—once you recognize how bids show up in your relationship, you can respond with intention and strengthen your connection every day.

Strengthen Your Connection Today

• Notice when your partner makes an emotional or physical bid.

• Make a conscious effort to turn toward instead of away.

• Create a habit of making your own bids more frequently.
  
  

Interested in Talking to a Couples Counselor in Birmingham, AL?

If you’re feeling disconnected, you’re not alone. The good news? Connection can be rebuilt in small, daily moments. Need extra support in your relationship? Sparrow Counseling is here to help. To get started follow these three simple steps:

1. Reach out to Sparrow Counseling for a free 15-minute consultation.

2. Be matched with a caring, experienced couples counselor.

3. Take the next step toward a more connected, fulfilling relationship.

Other Services Offered at Sparrow Counseling

At Sparrow Counseling we offer in-person and online therapy in the state of Alabama. In addition to couples counseling, our team specializes in couples intensives, sex therapy, discernment counseling, family therapy, divorce & family mediation, coparenting counseling, and more in Birmingham, Alabama. Learn more by checking out our FAQs and Blog!